“i don’t know if i should say this…but i miss Yunho and Changmin…they are our members no matter what people say and they all know it better than anyone else. people might say i’m being silly…but i miss them after a long time.
— kim jaejoong, twitter ©
— kim jaejoong, twitter ©
PLEASE BEWARE, IT’S SUPER LONG. i wrote it more for myself so that’s why it’s so long, i wanted to remember everything. i also cut out the other sm artists because it was so long. sorry :)
It was an amazing experience and an emotional one for me… Something very personal so I originally planned to just keep it to myself, locked up in my journal for when I’m old and gray and wanted to relive these precious memories.
Because of this, I wasn’t going to write a fan account but a few friends told me they’ve been waiting for this. Also, my need to share what I can with the fandom won over my need to hold the memories close to my heart.
The moment I heard that SMTown was coming to LA, I knew that I was going to be there no matter what. My TVXQ fan girl self was going to be there and see HoMin live in person. I just started a new job and hated having to ask for time off already but I swore that if I had to quit my job then so be it. I can find another job but I don’t know when HoMin will ever set foot on American soil again. Luckily, I didn’t have to be that dramatic. lol.
While I was making plans for where to stay while in LA, I decided to book a room at the hotel that the artists have stayed at in the past. I had no idea if they were going to stay there again but either way; I wanted to be where they were before. It was a hopeless crazy fan girl gamble.
We got to the hotel around 7:30pm on Thursday and as soon as I entered, I saw right away that there were fans lingering in the entrance and lounge area. By now, I was pretty sure my gamble paid off that HoMin where near. Just the thought alone made me ecstatic^^
We were up super early Friday morning because of jet lag. We go down for breakfast and there are tons of people lingering in the lobby already at 6:15am (O.O) some of their staffs also came down for breakfast as well but no HoMin.
After going back to our room to take a nap and get ready, we get to the lobby around 11:30am. I told one of the admins, -jaejung, over twitter there was no way I’ll go stalk for HoMin because that’s just not my style. Little did I know I will be eating my words? Soon as we hit the lobby, there were tons of fans around. My sister decides to sit on some empty seats and said “let’s just wait here a bit and watch what people are doing.” So we sat. After a minute or two, my sister said she was going to take her camera and go see what’s happening at the entrance because there’s a mass amount of people just standing everywhere. She asked me if I wanted to go and I’m all self righteously “nope, I’ll just wait for you here.” She disappears for a while and didn’t come back so I followed to see what the heck is taking her so long. lol
I found her standing around with all these other people, waiting for something. It’s pretty hilarious because she had no idea who she was waiting for since she’s not a fan of kpop but there she was, standing with the masses :P
I go stand with her by the front entrance and the God of Fandom smiled down on me!!!
We heard flailing inside so we knew something was up. I looked to the door to see who it is and OMFGGGGGGGGG I see two of the most gorgeous people ever on the face of this earth. I swear the screams shot up in decibels!! All the other artists that have been seen going in and out received screams but the screams for Yunho and Changmin are on another level. It’s like we knew instinctively to turn that notch up a little bit because they deserve the homage.
The first person out was Yunho. Ughhhh he is sublime. Just seeing him, you KNOW he’s not regular people like you and I. The boy has this thing about him that just commands attention. His hair was laid perfectly on his head. His aviator sunglasses gave him this edgy look and made you want to silently beg him to take it off so you can see his eyes. He had on a simple white v-neck tee and it just drew my attention to his neck and collarbone. I bet it would be a very nice place to nuzzle. He wore these pants that he had rolled up at the bottom so you see a peek of his ankles. I have always been a back and bicep kind of girl but right then and there, ankles looked damn sexy to me. Who knew ankles were such a turn on! /shot
Sadly while ogling Yunho’s manly ankles, Changmin slipped by so ninja-ishly by me. All I caught of him was his back encased in a black shirt and his curly hair. O.o Just those two little things for a split second but I swear I can probably write an ode about him. Rofl. Kyuhyun was with them too and the three got into the mini van. Sadly the van is tinted and all I can see is their silhouetted self T___T
So after seeing HoMin left, we left too.
Hours later, we come back to the hotel and there are still fans all over the place. There’s even more fans now considering its Friday evening. We go sit in the bar and soon hear screams coming from the foyer and outside. Yep, you know what that means. There’s been a sighting of an artist. lol. Knowing I’d never forgive myself if I don’t go check out if HoMin have come through, I go to the entrance and ask around if anyone’s seen the two. I guess luck was on my side still cause no one have seen them return yet which means I might still have a chance to get a glimpse of them. I was so determined to catch Changmin because all I caught of him was his back. ;__; In all the previous fan accounts I’ve ever read of him, most everyone, if not everyone have said how extremely good looking Changmin is… that out of all five boys, he is the best looking in person. I wanted to see this for myself. I was dying to see this for myself!
So I ended up waiting with everyone outside once again. The wait wasn’t too bad at all. It’s like random strangers who don’t know anything about each other have been brought together because of their love for kpop… we all had this in common. There was a candid spirit because we were all there for the same reason… to catch a glimpse of the people we all have adored from afar. It was pretty funny because there would be false alarms. By now everyone knew that the artists are picked up and dropped off in mini-vans. Every time a van would roll up to the hotel, everyone would get super excited and when it was empty or had different people than who we all expected, you could hear a grown coming from everyone. lol.
I was in the front right next to the circular drive way when a white mini-van with tinted windows pulled up. You could tell there were people in the van but you couldn’t see who because of the tint. However, when the van stopped and the door opened, the light inside turned on. Yeah, this is pretty much where I died.
Right in front of me, through the glass window of the mini-van is Yunho and Changmin. The both of them were sitting in the van!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could’ve reached out and touched the window. That’s how close I was. I just stared and stared and could not believe my eyes. Before when I caught sight of them, they were several feet away from me but now…… now they were within reach!! There is no way to describe it. Yunho was sitting closest to me so I can only see a little bit of Changmin but Yunho……. What can I say about this man?! He still had on the white v-neck and the aviator glasses. I don’t know what he’s been doing since I saw him that morning but he still looked fresh as ever. I’d have long since wilted and looked like crap but him… he still looked as cool as ever. Changmin… oh how I wanted so badly to catch a good look at him but once again, I only caught a quick glance :’(
I have to tell you that as soon as we all saw that HoMin were in the van, we all pretty much lost it. Again the screams and flailing went up a notch or two. lol. I am dead serious. Even after they passed us by and entered the hotel, all of us were still out there jumping up and down, sometimes grabbing perfect strangers to flail together. Lmfao. It was complete and utter chaos that was so beautiful. Never would I have imagined that I would be able to see the two up close like that. I always figured I’d see them one day in a concert while sitting far away but this was beyond my wildest dreams. After flailing, we all became silent and had these big silly grins on our faces. It was an epic moment for all of us.
After a sleepless night, we woke up Saturday all ready for the concert. After waiting foreverrrrrr, the day finally arrived.
Around 1:45pm we headed down to the Convention Center which is right next to the Staples Center. I wanted to get there bright and early when the doors opened at 2pm because I needed to pick up my t-shirts I ordered from dbsknights/onetvxq. I also wanted to snag a couple of the towels that dbsknight had on sale.
When we got there the line into the meet-up was so freaking long, I was afraid there were no more towels left. To my surprise, the wait wasn’t that long because it only took us about 10-15 minutes to get in and we were pretty far back.
It was so packed and crazy. I made my way over to the corner where dbsknight/onetvxq staffs were and I only knew it was their corner because there was a Mirotic poster up or else I would never see beyond all the bopping heads there. There were no lines whatsoever. Everyone was just pushing their way to the front of the table. I of course joined in the pushing. lol. It was mad crazy. The kind of crazy where bodies are up on each other in the most unpleasant way because everyone wanted something and you know that there’s only so many goodies that can go around. But I was able to pick up my t-shirts and towels so I was pretty happy. Got to give props to their staffs though, it was insanely nuts. O.o
After going through that crowd, we left and sat outside for a bit to catch our breath and cool off. That many bodies together are just…….. NO. Only for my OT5 will I do something like that. Then we headed out of the Convention Center and were trying to figure where to go next cause we had a couple of hours until we could pick up our tickets at Will Call.
As I was walking, I looked over to the right and saw three girls all pressed up against the Staple Center doors. It definitely caught my attention so I went to go check out what they were doing. As I got closer, the sounds coming from the inside was darn familiar. I listened some more and BAMMMM! It was The Way You Are!!!!!!!! I just looked at one of the girls next to me and said “It’s The Way You Are!” and we just smiled to each other. My family just gave up on me and went to go sit and watch while the three girls and I pressed our ears up against the doors trying to listen. lol.
I don’t know how long we stood that way but we started to attract attention from other fans walking by and soon a whole bunch of other girls came up to see what we were doing. We were all pretty sure HoMin was rehearsing and as each song played, we got more excited until Mirotic came on. :D The moment it did, we let out screams and just sang along with it. It was right at that part where they sing “I got you underrrr my skin” and then Yunho goes into his rap. The fan girl screams got a little louder hearing Yunho do his thing and then comes Changmin. His scream set us off on even louder screams. I mean this is Shim Changmin, the powerful voice most of us have only heard on our comps and we were witnessing his magnificent voice LIVE!! Yeah, we flailed as if we saw him live and not just listening to him through a locked door. rofl
By then a security guard had come outside and was asking us to move away from the building so we were starting to walk away but as I was walking away, I looked to my left and noticed that there were a couple girls a few doors down flailing even harder than we were. Automatically my feet took me over there to check it out and as I got closer, I hear one of the girls saying she saw Yunho so there I was, squishing in and pressing my nose up against the door’s windows trying to catch a glimpse as well. They had blocked the entrance with these black sheets so you couldn’t see in but here it wasn’t covered too well so you could see through on the sides of the sheets to the stage. We all looked super hard and every now and then we caught a glimpse of Yunho. By this time, we were screaming and the girls leaving decided not to leave and all rushed over to see so I ended up being squished once again. At least this time it was up against the door and not so many other bodies. rofl T_T I swear, only for DBSK.
The security guard followed us and we all had to leave though it was reluctantly.
After grabbing something to eat and picking up our tickets, we still had a good hour to go before they opened the doors at 6pm. We ended up waiting in the hot sun by the doors. But what was really nice was at one point some fans were chanting Dong Bang Shin Ki and then clapping. That was so nice to hear! I think there were a lot of DBSK/TVXQ fans but we were all less visible as compared to SuJu, SNSD, & Shinee.
They finally opened the doors and we get in, making our way to our seats. We had great seats… Floor 2, Row 3. The design was set so that if you sat on either Floor 1 or 2, you’re surrounded by the main stage in front and walkways on the other three sides. I sat closest to the walkway on the right.
While waiting for the concert to start, I put on my red TVXQ t-shirt I picked up earlier. I also pulled out the red light sticks and blew up the balloons. rofl. I planned on holding a light stick in one hand and a balloon in the other. :D As we were waiting, three BigEast members came and sat behind me. They were also there for HoMin. I guess we all came from far away to show our support for the two. <3
Since this was the second concert, I knew that HoMin was not going to appear till the very end so I was set to enjoy the other artists. And I really did. I follow the other groups, just not as hard core as our OT5. lol
It was kind of crazy on the floor though. Whenever an artist was going to walk in the middle walkway, all the fans would rush over to the middle and there we go again with the squishing of bodies. If the artists walked on the other side of the walkway where I sat the closest to, then everyone would rush over to that side. I did that for awhile with everyone for SuJu, Shinee, and the other artists. I even got to touch a couple of their hands but soon got tired of being squished so I quit and ended up staying by the outer walkway to observe everyone. lmao
There was this dad who brought his daughter there. She looked about 12… maybe 13. The daughter was just standing or sitting there watching everyone and didn’t really get excited until later when HoMin came out but the dad was having a great time. He was moving about and getting down with all the songs. At one point the daughter was sitting down and the dad was standing next to me on the side motioning for the daughter to join him because he was dancing a little and the daughter had this wtf no, please stop look on her face. rofl. It was super cute.
There was also this other guy. He was an older Caucasian guy. When I saw him walk in earlier to take his seat, I thought he was some music executive or something cause he had on the whole business suit and glasses deal. rofl. Turned out he’s a super big Boa fan. Every time the other artists came up, he’d just sit politely in his seat and look up at the huge screen on the stage but whenever Boa came out, he’d be up on his feet rocking to her and clapping with a big grin on his face. His eyes never left her at all.
And there were these Chinese ELFs sitting behind me. They had these two signs that light up. When we all first got there they pulled it out of their bags and of course SuJu wasn’t on so they didn’t turn it on but the moment SuJu came on stage, they turned them on and omfg it was super bright! It illuminated everyone around us. I swear! And the security guard standing in front of me laughed so hard like wtf is this?! Just seeing the guard’s reaction, I couldn’t help but lmao. Sadly this was the same security guard that told the girls to go back to their seats every time they tried to run up as close as they could to the stage with their mega-watt signs so that the SuJu boys would see it.
At one point when F(x) got up on stage, I happened to glance to the right of the stage and my world literally flipped. Yunho was standing off to the right watching his dongsaengs take their turn to perform. I could not believe my good luck in seeing him standing there all casual like. He had on his outfit already but the jacket was off so it was just the black sleeveless tee and pants. I turned around and said “omg I see yunho!” but there was no one around me. Everyone had their eyes up on stage. So I turned back to Yunho and just kept looking at him. I had a clear line of vision of him because there was no one in the way. I don’t know how long it lasted, it probably wasn’t very much but the longer I looked at him, the more I became emotional.
It doesn’t make sense but all these thoughts and emotions came out of no where. One second I was having fun and being amused by everyone and everything and the next my heart was sinking.
Just looking at him standing there, he looked so alone and like he had all these responsibility and pressure on his shoulder, my heart ached so badly for him. I’ve always believed very strongly that what is happening now is not affecting the boys’ relationship with one another. That they have some bigger scheme in mind that we just don’t know about and when the time is right, they’ll be back together again. I’ve always been optimistic about this whole situation they’re in but in that one moment, seeing Yunho standing there all by himself in the dark looking on at the artists performing on stage, the one thought that popped into my head was…. I don’t think they’ll be back together anymore, at least not for a long while. It was such a traitorous and despairing thought that came out of no where and it just brought on the emotional tears because they deserve better. I just kept looking and looking at him with tears swimming in my eyes. Every time a staff member or security guard would block my view, I’d shift a little so that I could keep him in my line of vision.
F(x) finished up their routine and then Trax got up on stage and there I was, still continuing to not pay attention to anything on stage and still focused on Yunho. I was trying to memorize everything about him because after all these years of being a fan, I finally see him in the flesh and I don’t know when I’ll ever see him like this again… so close or so unguarded.
At one point, I saw him speaking to other SM artists and even bopping his head to Trax’s music. I wish I could’ve looked at him longer but more staff/guards were coming to stand between us and soon I lost sight of him. :”(
I don’t know how long I stood like that watching Yunho. It must have been quite some time because my niece even mentioned it to me once I went back to my seat. She asked me why I kept looking off to the side for so long when everyone was focused on stage. What was happening over there? All I said was… Yunho.
While sitting in my seat, I watched the stage but yet not really because I was just too emotional seeing Yunho. Boa went on stage and sang two songs. One was a ballad and it was heart wrenching. More tears swam in my eyes. After Boa, Shinee came up and they sang a ballad also. At this point, I kinda lost it. I couldn’t hold everything I was feeling in anymore and the tears just silently streamed down my checks. Each time the tears spilled, I’d wipe it as fast as I could because I felt kind of foolish to be crying over a band ffs and in the middle of a concert with a screaming crowd too but it was useless because more tears would just come. Just watching Shinee sing, that did it for me because they reminded me of our OT5 so much and how great our boys are… how much they brought to music, how much they brought to my life… they were there to console me whenever I needed someone to be there and had no one to turn to. Those who’ve never experienced how music can impact you so much won’t know what I’m talking about. That’s probably why so many of us are so attached to these 5 guys. I know that’s why I am. In that moment, everything just burst forth.
I was so caught up in my own thoughts and emotions that I didn’t really pay attention to what was happening on stage although this didn’t stop me from catching one of their staff from out of the corner of my eye. lol. He had moved into the mosh pit on Floor 2 and was directing some wires that were coming down!!! I just knew right away that this was for HoMin. And it was!
By this time I just gave up on the stage and turned around to observe the two shadows getting up on the back walkways and being strapped into the harnesses. The lights dimmed and BAM!!!!!!! Two of the five Gods were floating up. It was so epic. Everyone started screaming and taking pictures.
HoMin seriously commanded attention! All the other groups, everyone screamed when they came on stage but for HoMin, I swear the screams got louder and louder. It was deafening. Pretty much everyone was hysterical. They lifted up really high and then slowly came down to earth as if they were indeed Gods.
Changmin proved to be elusive because he was on the other side, so far from me once again so all my attention was focused on Yunho. As he came down, he took the harness off but it looked like he had problems with it so a staff climbed up to help. Once he was free, he walked right by me on the walkway. He was so close! I could’ve jumped up and grabbed a hold of him!! He was that close.
They both walked to the stage, the lights dimmed while they took their poses, and then the lights rose. The moment it did I think we all died… I’m pretty sure I was screaming my head off at first but once I was out of breathe, I just stopped and starred. I was trying so hard to soak as much of it in as possible but yet I was still in denial that finally I’m seeing them LIVE. Every time they’d glance my way, I’d try to raise the TVXQ towel I bought from dbsknights. By this time, I had taken off the red tee I bought because I wore it over another shirt and it just got hot with all the running around from one side of the walkway to the other. My balloon was no where to been seen either because I set it under my chair until HoMin came out and it just disappeared with all the shuffling feet. I didn’t even remember to hold up my red light stick either T___T I had it hanging from my elbows and completely forgot about it so that poor thing didn’t even get used. /:
Their performance was way too short. They are super charismatic and I love how once they got up there, they had this bad ass attitude that just pulls you in. Yunho is indeed a great dancer. I don’t quite know how to describe his moves, it’s just very Yunho-ish. lol. And Changmin, the boy can certainly hold his own in dancing and the voice…. You will never be complete as a dbsk fan if you don’t hear Min’s epic scream in Mirotic live or any of his screams live. That alone was worth the whole trip out there. Sorry I can’t give more details here because it was just a blur. All I remember is that I was thinking “omfg, the long legged brother!!” and how they both looked so good in person. This was when I finally caught my first good glimpse of Min and holy crap is he gorgeous. He’s flawless! He’s tall and just perfectly put together. And the legs… goodness gracious, the legs! It goes on foreverrrrrr.
As I said, it went by so fast. The next thing I know, SuJu was coming out and singing Don’t Don and then Min came out with Trax. They stood on the section in the middle so all I caught of him was his back unless I looked up on the giant screen on stage. I was flipping my head back and forth between the actual man’s back, which was kind of far away, and the screen which will pan to other artists and then back to him every once in a while. His vocals there though just brought the house down! It was so powerful you don’t even know. I mean I’ve always known Changmin had great pipes but jfc I had no idea just how powerful those pipes were!!
And to think I was only seeing the talent of 2 of the 5 people that make dbsk. I can only imagine how deadly a combination it was with all 5 together!
It wasn’t long before HoMin came out for their intro to the audience. I didn’t even think of how they would introduce themselves but the moment they said “WHAT’S UP LA, WE ARE DONG BANG SHIN KI,” I became a puddle of goo and had this big silly grin on my face. I thought they’d most likely speak Korean but they didn’t!! Even if it’s just a few words in English, you don’t know how happy that made me. It was so cute and so sweet because we all know their native speaker is Yoochun. rofl. Just the fact that they put thought into WHO their audience was, that meant a lot. And to hear the two call themselves DBSK… yeah, that was pretty special too, never mind that all 5 weren’t there to say it. HoMin are a part of DBSK, they are 2/5 of what makes DBSK… DBSK, so to even hear them two say it… live… in person, yeah, it was indeed pretty special for me.
After they took their bow and were walking away, Changmin piped up with “Thank you so much.” He said it with his maknae smile… it was this really cute and shy smile to the crowd as if he’s thankful for receiving as much love as they did. It was super adorable and a really kind smile of thanks. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, think back to their first music video… Hug. He had these innocent smiles in there that were just so full of life and dreams. This smile was like that.
Once HoMin exited, it wasn’t long before all of SMTown came out for the last song of the night. My eyes stayed glued to the two. rofl. Can’t help it, I’m a die hard dbsk fan. :D
Yunho was one of the very first to sing and go out on the walkway that’ll lead to the other stages in the back so I couldn’t really see what he was doing but Changmin was still up front on the stage so my eyes stayed with him. He stood on the very end away from me with Donghae. Everyone was singing their lines and walking in the middle to the back until there were only 4 people left on stage… Donghae, Changmin, Boa, and another person.
Donghae and Changmin were on one side of the stage while Boa and the other person were on the other side. They all scooted closer and as they did so, Changmin in his typical maknae fashion did something we’ve all seen him do before in all the videos of him, Yunho, Junsu, Jaejoong, and Yoochun together….. He stepped back a little, extended his right hand out with the palm up, touched the left hand to his right elbow and indicated with a small smile and nod for Donghae to go first. How many times have we seen him do this?! In that moment, I remembered seeing him do this for the other four members and I just smiled.
Donghae, Boa, and the fourth person ended up walking to the back stages leaving Changmin alone on the main stage. My eyes never left him. He stood up there and swayed until it was his turn to sing and when it was……. JFC IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. He opened up his chest, threw his head back and just let the note come out and held it for so long. Everyone cheered and I turned to look at my niece and we both went “WOW” at the same exact time because it was that amazing. Knowing she wasn’t a fan of dbsk, I was all “wasn’t that great? Isn’t he such a good singer? Are you impressed?” yeah, in my excitement over witnessing the greatness that is Changmin, I was pretty obnoxious but she was equally amazed and gave him his due. rofl
After the song was over, all the artists came back to the front of the stage and took their last bow. Changmin was on the far left while Yunho was dead center. Near Changmin was Minho. We all know how notorious those two have been so I was hoping to catch some Changmin and Minho action. I was not disappointed because the two hugged. :D
And at one point, Yunho seemed to look around himself, spotted Changmin and he walked over to him. Once again, it did something crazy to my fan girl heart. I always knew that the five boys were close but I think this ordeal have definitely brought Yunho and Changmin closer and I was glad that they have each other to lean on same as how Jaejoong, Junsu, and Yoochun have each other to lean on.
After bowing, Yunho was one of the first one to walk off the stage. Changmin followed him but while he was walking away, he looked over his shoulder and saw that Jonghyun had a camera and was taking a picture of Minho and a couple of other people so he quickly turned back to be in the shot. J Sadly, he didn’t linger for much longer than that. T__T
My last glimpse of them was of the two walking off the stage.
It was such a great concert and I went just to support Yunho and Changmin because it’s so good to see them singing and dancing again. I wanted to make sure they realized just how much they are loved and just how much people are still supporting them.
Like most everyone in fandom, I want to see OT5 together again but being there, I realized that it’s okay if they don’t. ngl, that small hope of them together will always be there but they are each so talented and deserve to pursue and do whatever it is they want. As their fan, I have to respect that.
Reading this fan account, I’m sure some of you must think I’m Yunho or Changmin biased but to be honest, it’s neither of these two. Bias just means that if all 5 are together, I’ll just pay more attention to one specific member first. And though these two may not be my bias, I still adore them to pieces and still wanted to make sure they felt loved here in the States. They ARE dbsk and to me, I cannot love a few members and not the others or I cannot just support one or two members and not the others. Each member makes up 1/5 of what we know as DBSK. The current lawsuit has nothing to do with how talented they are or how much I appreciate those talents so as long as they continue to do what they all do so well; I’ll continue to support each and every one of them, whether together or apart.
I hope you’ll do the same.